"People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't."

"He closed his eyes and sank into the warm dusk that separates consciousness and sleep, where reality bends and sways to the wind of thought, and where creativity blossoms in it's freedom from boundaries and all things are possible."
 - Christopher Paolini

Psalm 130:5

I used to write.  I used to write a lot.  Every feeling, thought, emotion, and event was all recorded either with a pen and paper or on my blog.  Over the past month, I've sat down so many times to try and journal or post something, but it was hard for me.  I couldn't find the words.  I didn't even know where to start.  It is officially the worst writer's block.  It's not that I now have a boring life, no emotions, or opinions about anything, it's just that where I used to use writing as an outlet, now I compartmentalize and process everything internally.  This doesn't mean that I'm not afraid to speak up, to have an opinion, or to be to be honest anymore.  Those things haven't changed.  I guess that at some point I decided to stop publicizing and recording my life.  Looking back on all my posts and journals, I can hardly believe I'm the same person.  So much has changed.  Five or six years ago I never would have imagined I would be where I am now.

I before E except after C

You know those good ole days when we watched the REAL Disney movies, ate SpaghettiO's, and would refuse to take naps? When we would eat gum of the pavement, push our Barbie car with a broom, and not know how to spell our last name? What about when we'd buy something from Limited Too and wore it everyday thinking we were the coolest? I bet you remember tap dancing in the kitchen to Michael Card, and singing Holy Holy Holy at the top of our lungs? Or when we'd get out our records and reenact Sleeping Beauty, and run around in circles to Mickey Mouse Club House? Or all those weddings we had with the lamp post as the groom? And If you've forgotten all the adventures we've had,...well then, it's my duty as your sister to remind you. You've got all my love.

8 years and 21 hours ago

I never prayed harder in my life. That day, week, month, year to be exact, my faith was the strongest it ever was. For a while I sat crying, "why?! don't do this to her. I deserve this...not her." Mad. Hurt. Scared. Alone. Sad. Hopeful. Hope. Hope. Hope. That was my middle name. I'd never lived up to it. I look back and see that God was speaking to me through her. That day I actually understood this faith and hope I'd always had. It hit me. Hard. I look back and I'm thankful. I do my best to not take one second for granted. Because I was taught that in a split second, everything could be gone. And if it was, it would have still been for good. Every day is one step closer to that day where you'll be perfect, she'll be perfect, I'll be perfect. That day, if it were possible I'd have tears of joy.

Then Again, Who Knew?

She couldn't find the words anymore. When she sat there holding her pen, the page was blank. The numbness had faded away. The pain was back. She was told it would return soon, but she didn't expect it so soon. She had to try hard to hold tears back from it. She wanted to be able to find words describing the pain, but she couldn't. No medicine could help her. This was in her Fathers hands now.

She stared down at the empty page, letting a tear drop fall onto the paper. Writing had gotten her through it for years. But it wasn't there anymore. That almost hurt just as much as the pain itself. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her head, but it didn't work. She had just made herself dizzy, which didn't help the situation. Anger started to kindle inside of her. Glancing at the pen, she flung it across the room. She crumpled the paper up and threw it off the bed.

Why? How long would this last? Would she ever completely heal? Would she ever be herself again? Could she one day find those words to help? When will the pain stop? Who cares? Will she slowly lose her mind and forget about it? Wouldn't that be nice. Could this become just a bad bad dream if she wished hard enough? Will it ever go away? Yes, it will. This much she knew. It may just take a lot longer than what she prays for. If it doesn't go away in this life, it would in the next. She knew he Father wouldn't let it follow her there. So maybe there was hope after all.

For now, she just has to wait on time.

Old Enough To Know

The sound of children's laughter is medicine to my heart...

Haven't Met You Yet

I grew up watching the movie "Singin' In The Rain," so naturally I've always slightly been in love with Gene Kelly. Today, you can't find a man that is as talented as he was. And yes, I wish I could dance at least half as well as he could. And for those of you who haven't seen that movie, you're truly missing out on the best.

I Will Not Walk Away

I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.
When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades."

Never Gonna Happen

“ All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost." J.R.R. Tolkien

Brighter

This is for my Mom...I love you

Pachelbel Canon In D

“ What do you fear, lady”? he asked. “A cage,” she said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.The Two Towers, J.R.R. Tolkien (via quote-book)

I'll be wearing white when I come into Your kingdom

Deuteronomy 6:5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 1:3-11

³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

If I let my dreams consume me

I often think about what it would be like to live back then...

This movie does make it seem so wonderful...

Send me away with the words of a love song...

PSALM 91

Looking for summer...

Pour Some Glitter Make It Rain

Never Grow Up

One day I will live in my dream house like this...

And my kitchen will be like this...

Temporary Home

It's weird how time can pass so quickly, and one can forget all the little things that used to be so important to them years ago. I know for me it's been this way. I've forgotten, until today, how little simple things can be, and are, so beautiful. Lately, I've been thinking and looking back on a lot of things I used to love as a little girl. I ended up finding that I never lost my love for those things. One of the many small things that always fascinated me was mason jars. If it's at all possible, I think I love them even more now...

how little we know

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?

James 4:1-5

Hellogoodbye

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
-maya angelou

E.T.

It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I Play It Off Fine

To A Broken God

1 Peter 4

Living for God

¹ Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. ² As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. ³ For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. ⁴ They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. ⁵ But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. ⁶ For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to human standards in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.

⁷ The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. ⁸ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹ Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. ¹¹ If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Suffering for Being a Christian

¹² Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. ¹⁴ If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. ¹⁵ If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. ¹⁶ However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. ¹⁷ For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? ¹⁸ And,

“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”

¹⁹ So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

Jesus Let Us Come to Know You

It'll drive a man crazy, it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

But when you have to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the Man of all sorrows, He never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that He bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

Mirrors On Every Wall

"A heart is a fragile thing. That’s why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful."

Somewhere Only We Know

I miss a lot of people right now...

Don't Complain. Just Don't.

So maybe 2 degrees isn't fun...

But if you think about it...

It could be worse...

New York, New York

Here are some of the photos I was able to take on my NYC fashion trip at the beginning of November. The quality isn't very good because they were all taken with my phone, but hopefully you can see a tiny bit of what I get to see...I would have taken thousands more, but eighty percent of the places I went didn't allow photography. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

40th street to Bryant Park was closed for a yearly accessory tent show.
MUJI - Japanese "no label" store
One of two pieces of art work dedicated to Fashion Avenue
The second piece is shown here. It's a four story sewing needle through a button. The cool thing is that the needle is the only support for the piece.
Gotta love Macy's
Mood Fabrics. Dream come true.
Rockefeller center
Three story Anthropologie
The best doughnuts in the world- in china town. Owner/creator is from Greensboro :)
Jimmy McMillan - singing
Times Square
biggest Harry Potter poster ever
Wicked on Broadway!

Goin' home

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