8 years and 21 hours ago

I never prayed harder in my life. That day, week, month, year to be exact, my faith was the strongest it ever was. For a while I sat crying, "why?! don't do this to her. I deserve this...not her." Mad. Hurt. Scared. Alone. Sad. Hopeful. Hope. Hope. Hope. That was my middle name. I'd never lived up to it. I look back and see that God was speaking to me through her. That day I actually understood this faith and hope I'd always had. It hit me. Hard. I look back and I'm thankful. I do my best to not take one second for granted. Because I was taught that in a split second, everything could be gone. And if it was, it would have still been for good. Every day is one step closer to that day where you'll be perfect, she'll be perfect, I'll be perfect. That day, if it were possible I'd have tears of joy.

Then Again, Who Knew?

She couldn't find the words anymore. When she sat there holding her pen, the page was blank. The numbness had faded away. The pain was back. She was told it would return soon, but she didn't expect it so soon. She had to try hard to hold tears back from it. She wanted to be able to find words describing the pain, but she couldn't. No medicine could help her. This was in her Fathers hands now.

She stared down at the empty page, letting a tear drop fall onto the paper. Writing had gotten her through it for years. But it wasn't there anymore. That almost hurt just as much as the pain itself. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her head, but it didn't work. She had just made herself dizzy, which didn't help the situation. Anger started to kindle inside of her. Glancing at the pen, she flung it across the room. She crumpled the paper up and threw it off the bed.

Why? How long would this last? Would she ever completely heal? Would she ever be herself again? Could she one day find those words to help? When will the pain stop? Who cares? Will she slowly lose her mind and forget about it? Wouldn't that be nice. Could this become just a bad bad dream if she wished hard enough? Will it ever go away? Yes, it will. This much she knew. It may just take a lot longer than what she prays for. If it doesn't go away in this life, it would in the next. She knew he Father wouldn't let it follow her there. So maybe there was hope after all.

For now, she just has to wait on time.

Old Enough To Know

The sound of children's laughter is medicine to my heart...

Haven't Met You Yet

I grew up watching the movie "Singin' In The Rain," so naturally I've always slightly been in love with Gene Kelly. Today, you can't find a man that is as talented as he was. And yes, I wish I could dance at least half as well as he could. And for those of you who haven't seen that movie, you're truly missing out on the best.